OK, well, I'm still done smoking. And actually happy about it. I'm missing it less and less - and feeling better physically. Eating a little better, getting a little more activity, not smoking - whatever it is, its making a difference in how I feel.
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Bert and I celebrated our 2-yr anniversary yesterday and went to a Twins game in the new Target Field. We've been there a few times already....Its such a great park to see a game in. We got married on Friday, June 13, 2008 - on our 9-yr anniversary of dating. By that time we already had the house and our first daughter, Isabelle. Getting married was a formality - an expensive formality at that! Not only the wedding and honeymoon and all, but our taxes took a hike, too! Don't quite understand why they punish you for getting married. Lots of stuff I don't understand.Anyway, the rest of our day yesterday was pretty uneventful. That was OK with me, though - it had already been a pretty busy weekend. I worked late on Friday, did the Target shopping after that, came home and don't remember what we did that night. Probably not a whole lot. We've been pretty mellow and tired lately at night. Saturday I worked until a little after noon, went grocery shopping, came home and turned into Holly Homemaker. I'm partially embarrassed and partially proud.....The ground beef was on sale - if you bought a TON of it. So, being the penny pincher that I can be, I bought 6 pounds, brought it home and made a bunch of hamburger patties out of it. The beef tenderloin was on sale, too, so that got cut up and frozen, too. I won't have to buy beef for weeks! Yup - embarrassed and proud - at the same time. After all that mess, Isabelle and I went shopping for a dress for me to wear to Mike and Sasha's (Bert's brother and fiancee's) wedding. Came home late, ate a late dinner (homemade hamburgers), got Belle in bed - Audrey was already snoozing - and then Bert and I watched a movie....can't even remember which...hell, that was 2 days ago! So when Sunday rolled around, going to the game was about all I really felt like doing. Pam, my mother-in-law, is a Godsend. She watched the girls for us last minute so we could go out together. We neglected to arrange a sitter for our anniversary...
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[TIME OUT. BELLE JUST CAME IN AND ASKED IF SHE CAN PLAY IN HER ROOM BEFORE GOING TO SLEEP. I TOLD HER SHE CAN HAVE 10 MINUTES, BUT THAT'S IT. SHE SAID, "TEN IS LONG......BUT 35 IS LONGER." THEN SHE SAID, "I JUST GOT DONE SLOSHING (FLOSSING) AND BRUSHING MY TEETH, MOMMA - NOW MY BREF (BREATH) SMELLS GOOD." WHAT A CUTIE. HER LITTLE VOICE IS THE BEST.]...and she saved us! She and Dave (F-I-L) have always emphasized the importance of keeping the marriage relationship strong. They are HUGE proponents of date night....and they really stick by their word....in their own marriage and in helping us get out by babysitting more than any grandparent should ever have to. They are WONDERFUL!! Anyway, after the game, we came home....Bert took a little nap, Isabelle and I cut up all the veggies I bought on Saturday while Audrey napped, we ordered Jimmy John's and called it a night. Sometimes a boring life is OK by me....I don't need or want the drama. Everyone's healthy, fed and comfortable - Life is good.
Let's see.....Well, Audrey's birthday was last month - May 22. She was such a good girl on her big day. We planned a BBQ lunch party for her....to start at noon. The rain started around 11:00 - and our house is way to small to hold all the people we invited! Luckily, the rain tapered off around 12:45 and most people waited and came between 1-1:30. It turned out to be a great party. Its so good to see everyone....I just wish we could see them more often. Everyone just gets so busy. I guess its about enjoying the time that you DO have - right? The food turned out well (way too much, of course, but leftovers are a good thing), the people were great, Audrey got spoiled with WAY too many gifts, like usual....and her cake!
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That was so funny! I make a little heart-shaped cake, like I did for Isabelle's 1st birthday. I even put it on the same orange flower plate. Well, after singing Happy Birthday, Audrey looked at the cake, then picked up the whole plate and brought it to her mouth! No need wasting time getting her hands dirty - just straight to her mouth - it was hilarious! She just kept lifting the plate to her mouth and licking the frosting off the cake. What a cutie!! Got it all over her face and the front of her dress, but her hands were clean. nu%3D3248)+33)274)WSNRCG%3D337%3B48+396325nu0mrj.jpeg)
The day was a success. I was shot after it, but I really enjoy these get-togethers. Shoot! I haven't done thank you cards yet!! Crap, I've got to get that done......Mike and Sasha's wedding is coming up this weekend. (Found my dress at Target of all places! Really cute.) They're getting married on Friday and the reception is on Saturday - I'm really looking forward to it! They are such a great couple. They are so much more alike that most couples that I know, but it really seems to work for them. Bert and Mike are VERY close, so I've been getting to know Sasha fairly well over the last couple years. They moved to Iowa in January for Mike's work, though - we're really missing having them around. They bought a house not too far from ours in NE Minneapolis, then this opportunity came up and now their 4 hours away. :( We wish they were closer, but know this is a great opportunity for them down there. Hopefully one day we can live closer again.
As I sit here, trying to think of things to write, I'm happy for my "quiet" life and also bored by it. I think Bert and I both have been feeling a little "stuck" lately.....like something needs to happen - shake it up a little. Again, I'll choose boring and calm any day over drama and chaos, but we need a little life in our lives. Know what I mean? Some days things just seem so routine. I, by nature, LOVE routine. I am left-brained to the core. Still, though, at times I feel like life is passing me by. I feel like I'm meant for more than this current daily routine: wake up early, pack a lunch, get ready, get the girls ready, wake Bert up at some time during getting the girls ready, drop the girls at daycare, go to work, leave work, pick up the girls, go home, Bert comes home, make dinner, clean up the kitchen, misc activity (cleaning, play a game, go for a walk, watch TV, laundry, whatever), get girls in bed, collapse on the couch, stay there for a while, go to bed, wake up early....etc. I'm grateful for all we have...I just don't feel like I'm living up to my potential, or like I'm using what I've been blessed with to its full capacity. I don't have a clear vision of what it is that's missing, but I do feel like something is out of place....my priorities seem to be out of place to make peace with "the way things are." Almost like we're settling into this life because its easier than fighting through the muck to what we're really meant to do. If only I had a clear picture of what the heck that is..... Then, I come back around (settle??), reacquaint myself with gratitude, get back in the swing of things, refocus on something that I'd like to do better (start exercising, some sort of behavioral chart for Isabelle, getting more sleep - real fun stuff like this) and let the calm of the status quo swallow me up. Its a vicious cycle.
So what's stopping us? I guess, in a word, it would be fear. Fear and debt. Grrrr. Girls, if you learn no other life lessons from me, please take this one to heart. Do not allow yourself to fall into debt. It is awful to be prisoner to choices we made years ago. I usually don't even allow myself to think of what I'd be doing differently right now if we didn't have so much debt. Its too depressing. I'm certainly thankful that it is a situation that can be fixed (unlike a disease, or a death in the family, etc.), but the negative effects linger much past the point of learning the lesson. And how FREE we will be when we manage to dig ourselves out of this! That's when I allow myself to dream a bit - when I think of all the things we can do in a few years when we're clear of this......its enough to keep going - keep making money - keep paying the bills - keep living modestly....cause we will know - and appreciate - the freedom before too long. I'd love to be home part time with my girls now - and my goal is to have the choice to be home for them before and after school. Belle starts school in the Fall of 2011. I'm hoping to be able to bring her to school and pick her up. Please, God, let that work out. We're working towards it.......
Well, now that Bert's come in and read the last paragraph over my shoulder and told me that it sounds a little depressing, I guess I'll sign off for the night. I don't mean to leave that impression. Yes, things are a little drab right now, but I'm so thankful for what we DO have. Its just that lingering feeling that I'm meant for more....this mediocrity is not what its about - it can't be. Where and how am I meant to help others? How is it that there are people starving when we have so much? How can I to be a better parent? When do I let myself dream and how do I realize those dreams? How do Bert and I work to bring out the best in each other? These are some of the questions that I long for answers to. Not depressing....I see it as motivation to become a better person.
Over and out and goodnight to all,
Mary
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