Saturday, May 15, 2010

I've been meaning to get to this - starting a blog - since my 30th birthday....21 days ago. I've found, over the years, that I am absolutely unable to discipline myself to journal. I don't know what it is, but I can't make myself do it regularly. I see so many benefits to it, but the discipline just isn't there. So, my goal is to blog here and there, hopefully at least once each month, to catch some general snapshots of my life....perhaps for me to look back on, or maybe for my girls to see just how wonderful and loved they are, or for my husband to see that, though I may not always let him in on it, I'd be absolutely lost and floundering without him. So regardless of what - if anything - comes out of this, here goes.............Blog #1.

I guess I'll start with some stats on me and my family. I am Mary. Also wife to my wonderful husband, Bert, and mother to two amazing little girls. Isabelle is 4 and Audrey will be 1 next Saturday.





I just turned 30 late last month....and I'm good with that. Not too much different from 29, except that I quit smoking the day after my birthday. Not for me...for Isabelle.

We saw an anti-tobacco add on TV - you know...the one where the little girl and her mom are at the hospital because the mom smoked and got sick. They're walking down the hall, hand-in-hand and the mom's other hand is pulling an IV thing alongside her. Then it cuts to a shot of the little girl sitting alone. "Tobacco affects all of us." Ugghhh! It got me....and apparently it got Belle, too. "Momma," she says, "I don't want you to get sick." Maybe they're right - Kids shouldn't watch TV. Ha!

This was maybe a month or so before my birthday. I've never smoked a ton....Maybe 5-7 a day....a few more on weekends, perhaps. But those 5-7, 7-minute "breaks" from WHATEVER it was that I was doing, were such happy times. I loved my cigarettes. But, I'm not stupid. Who doesn't know that smoking is not quite as good for you as taking a long walk after eating a spinach, broccoli and tomato salad? I'm also pretty sure the stats are off the charts for children of smokers growing up to be smokers themselves - and I don't want that for my girls. So, it was time to call it quits. Isabelle was telling me EVERY TIME I smoked that she didn't want me to get sick. After having my heartstrings pulled for what seemed like the thousandth time, I told Isabelle that after my 30th birthday, I would quit smoking. Every time I went outside for one after that, she'd ask me, "Momma, where are you going?" I'd tell her I'm going outside. "To smoke?" questioned the cute little voice. "Yes, Belle - to smoke." "When are you gonna quit, Momma?" she'd ask.....EVERY time. "After my birthday, sweetie." So, here I am....its after my birthday and I've quit.

As with so many things with parenting, there was no parade to celebrate this change I've made. No banners were hung, no horns sounded, no fireworks displayed. Isabelle knows that I don't smoke anymore, but there was no fanfare, that's for sure. Its just the way it is now. Don't get me wrong - she's 4....I get it. But if you're reading this as a parent, you get it, too. Wouldn't a little "Way to go not smoking, Mom!" be nice to hear? "Dinner was awesome tonight, Mom, and hey - you're doing great not smoking, too!!" Ha-ha! I guess its my turn. That's something I'm realizing, too....FINALLY. I could never thank my mom and dad enough for what they've done for me. I'm learning first hand all the sacrifices that parents - parents who care - make for their children. I wouldn't trade it for anything....every sacrifice I've made has been absolutely worth it....and I'm pretty sure my mom and dad would say the same. So this one's for you, mom. Thanks for all those dinners and for quitting smoking when you were pregnant with me....and staying quit after that. THANK YOU. All right....keep blogging.

Quitting. It wasn't as hard as I thought it would be. Not sure if its because I didn't smoke that frequently anyway, or if its because I've got the best reasons in the world to quit. Either way, I'm glad it wasn't torture. I miss it - a lot sometimes - but it feels a whole lot better than how continuing to smoke would have felt. Don't get me wrong here...I'm not on a soap box, or mountaintop or anything about this. Just grateful that things have shaken out the way they have for me with regard to smoking. I love you, Belle. Thank you for speaking up. Keep that up - your thoughts and opinions DO matter.

Well, that took an interesting turn. Didn't know my first blog was gonna be about quitting smoking. Huh. Stay tuned. Blog #2 - getting more exercise. I'm kidding - I hope. I hope my life hasn't become that.

Over and out....Goodnight to all............